


He Visits Me in Dreams

by rocccy



Category: Star Wars
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocccy/pseuds/rocccy
Summary: Rey dreams of Ben.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	He Visits Me in Dreams

Rey dreamed of Ben. He was a little boy, chasing after his mother as she bustled through the busy hallways with the people. Always with the people. He sat in the seat right behind Chewie and watched as his father leapt through the stars, light streaking by faster than he imagined possible. He played by himself, because he grew tired of repeating the stories of his mom and dad and uncle to all the starry-eyed children that followed him around the base. He moved around things with a thought when he was alone, but only ever when he was alone because if he became a Jedi, how could he possibly ever live up to his uncle and mom? Rey would wake feeling so sad for this quiet little boy, and then the man he became before he sacrificed himself for her. Finn asked her every day what the matter was, but she could only shake her head and try to swallow the painful lump in her throat. 

Ben practiced handwriting, though his father thought it was ridiculous, a dead skill, something most of the galaxy couldn’t read and something the rest could care less for. He didn’t know why it called to him so, but it reminded him of a grubby little girl he pictured in his mind deep at night before he fell asleep. Rey knew it was her, and the thought brought butterflies to her stomach. He knew her 

He was sent away to study with his uncle, the legend whose shoes he could never fill and yet who seemed to so ardently despise him for the fascination he had with the Sith. Ben couldn’t help it. The Jedi way to him was terrifying, something he could never live up to. But the Sith...the whispers in his mind nearly drove him mad. He had Vader’s blood in him. But Luke resisted. And Ben would try, because if he didn’t then how much more of a failure could he possibly be.  
Rey awoke every night too cold, yet too hot and restless every night she dreamed of Ben during his training. She knew what would happen next. She’d heard the story and it played and replayed in her mind. 

The day she finally dreamt of Luke tore her apart. Ben had always seen Luke as the infallible Jedi who he could never live up to. This change, this betrayal, tore him up. She could feel it. How could he want to be good if his very picture of good literally tried to kill him. Rey threw up what little dinner she had managed to stomach and sat sobbing on the cold refresher floor long past dawn. 

She dreamt of his days with the First Order. Those nights were not restful, the things he’d seen and done were not pleasant. Her skin crawled and she dreaded turning in each night but any glimpse of him, even as this monster, made her feel less alone. She knew he’d come back. He had to come back.

When they fought on Starkiller Base, she wanted to reach out and touch him, beg him to return to the light. But he was still Kylo. All she could do was will him to see her, really see. She didn’t know what to do to bring him back to her. Waking she needed to return to sleep to try and convince him to return, but sleeping she just felt so helpless. She couldn’t feel Ben, just the rage and loneliness of Kylo. 

The first time they connected through the Force, she positively sobbed for joy. She was so close. She knew how it happened from here. Life outside of dreams felt airy and unreal, only with Ben did she feel grounded. 

And then he died. Just like that. Years had flown by in memories, and though not quite that much time had really passed, Rey was older. Her frame was gaunt and though she spent most of her time asleep, the bags under her eyes grew darker each day. After he was gone, she couldn’t feel him. Couldn’t sense him. Not in her dreams, not in real life, though they had become so entangled she didn’t know what was what. She called his name as she clawed through her sheets, cutting down the Sith choir before she collapsed, sobbing, in the middle of the amphitheater. 

Every dream ended with her in his TIE. Then sometimes he was there. She nearly touched him once, but he always crumbled to dust before she could reach him. 

“Rey!” He screamed her name, fighting endless foes to reach her. She gave him the saber, but never in time. He was cut down before she could get there to help. She stalked the hallways in the dark, murdering their enemies, before waking up and knowing she would never find them, never avenge him. 

“Rey,” he whispered, Ben whispered. She was here in his arms, and she was dying but he was alive, he was alive, and he always gave it away. She wanted to smack him, fight him, do whatever it took to make him see reason, make him hate her, whatever it took to stop him from foolishly trying to do the right thing. The right thing. His right thing. Did he even love her? She didn’t know. He was being the Jedi, trying to brave his destiny and be good because that was who he was. She hated him for it, and yet she loved him for it, and she loved him but did he love her? She didn’t know.

“Rey,” he gasped, because in this dream he lived and loved and oh it felt so right to be here with him because it was their wedding night and of course they were doing what newlyweds do and every time she woke she felt sick to her stomach. Not because she didn’t want that, of course she wanted it, but because she would never have it, never have a family with him or even him, bloody Carabast. There was no end, there would be no end, not as long as she lived with out him. Could he hear her? Was he alive? She didn’t know, but in her dreams he was there with her to comfort her and to torment her.

Rey dreamed of Ben.


End file.
